Set Fire To The Rain
by RandomKiwi
Summary: When Wanda is murdered, Ian is left to mourn his loss. Told in flashbacks and different points of view.
1. Chapter 1: Dead

_Set Fire To The Rain – A Host Fanfiction_

KYLE

It stared back at me, tembling. "You worthless _**worm!**_" I screeched, raking my nails down its face. "_**How could you! How dare you set foot here! You're nothing but a parasite! A worthless, blood thirsty parasite! You deserve to die… You DESERVE TO DIE!**_" My voice echoed down the corridors, my nostrils flaring with rage. I winded back my fist, ready to punch the pulp out of its wretched face. It screamed and cried, a mixture of blood, sweat, and tears running down its face.

I did a good number on it. It lay there motionless, curled in on itself. Lifeless, dead. Just the way it was supposed to be. I heard footsteps. Fast ones, rushing down the stone tunnels. I quickly picked up and ran, hiding in the storage area behind boxes of preserved food and water bottles.

A figure made its way over to the monster, letting out a loud sob. It was heart wrenching to listen to. I almost felt bad for them.

"No… no… no…" The person kneeled down next to the parasite, caressing its face, holding its bloody hands in his. "Wanda… My Wanderer…"

I froze, my face running cold. _What did he just say? _I peered around the wall. He was leaning over the body, the sound of tears pattering the stone floor. _Was this… Ian?_

The sobs grew louder and more intense. "You… Can't… Leave…. Me….." He was breaking down in tears. "Not…. Again…." He whispered, his voice cracking.

"Hey! What's going on down there!" Jeb rushed down the hall. "Oh, no…" Ian bit his lip, holding back a scream.

"She's dead! She's… she's…. Somebody killed her! Wanda…. No…. No…. NO!" He kept groping at its face, its hands. "Wanderer…" He kissed its cold lifeless lips, tears pouring down onto her face from his eyes. "I love you with all my heart…"

I stared at my hands, cracked and bloodied. But it wasn't my blood….

_What had I just done?_


	2. Chapter 2: All Is Lost

IAN

I heard the shriek from our chamber, the one Wanda and I shared, finally waking up. Wanda wasn't next to me… But the area beside me was still warm. I lept out of bed, struggling to untangle myself from the sheets. "WANDA!" I yelled, throwing myself out of the door and down the hall.

I reached her body, laying on the grey floor. Her face was bloody and bruised, blood pooling around her from a deep gash on her neck.

I let the tears come now, laying next to her, holding her close. "Wanda… my soul… My Wanderer…." I moaned in pain, the sobs sending tremors throughout my body.

_**She couldn't leave me… Not again… Not again…. **__**NOT. AGAIN.**_

I remembered when I had held her in my hand; when she was brought back into a body that reflected her inner beauty and innocence.

_It was the night she'd gotten her own body… The night I had held her in my hand, a beautiful body, fitting into the palm of my hand. My Wanderer, my love. My partner… It felt so right to have her there. As though she could feel my presence throughout the procedure. Her new body fit her perfectly. It reflected her personality exactly. Small, sensitive, sweet, and caring. A genuine soul... A truly genuine soul. So fragile and full of purity. I had held my breath all through that time, watching her in the cyrotank, ready to swallow if I had to. It was only when she came to that I could breathe once more._

"Not again… Not again, Wanda…" My words became incoherent, slurred and muffled by my cries.

Jeb ran over; knelt down, feeling for her pulse.

_1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8…9…10…11…12…13…14…15…16…17…18…19…20…21…22…23…24…25…26…27…28…29…30…_

His expression darkens, a frown pulling at the corners of his mouth. He looks up at me, speechless.

"Is she… Is… Wanda…?" I couldn't speak. I already knew the answer.

"I'm sorry, Ian… Wanda's dead."

My whole world came crashing down around me, crumbling to bits, threatening to crush me as it fell. Life lost its purpose; I lost the will to live. Letting out a distressed moan, I collapsed to the floor beside her, tears pouring from my eyes.

It was then that the boxes clattered to the floor. I looked up. Kyle stood watching, glowing with triumph and pride. "YOU BASTARD!" I snarled, wrecklessly making my way over to him. Words could not describe how much hatred and anger pumped through my veins.

I shoved him backward to the floor, hearing the air knocked right out of him. "YOU KILLED HER! YOU! - KILLED! - WANDA!" I yelled between blows. Blood streamed from his nose, broken so many times before I'd lost count.

_He killed my Wanderer..._

I fought the urge to stop fighting and cry. Instead I hollered at him, words so foul and cruel that he grimaced. Gasping and sputtering, he spat the blood away from his mouth as it dripped over his cracked lips. "It deserved it," he growled under his breath. "It deserved to die."

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><p>I hope you liked it so far. I've put a lot of my time into editing this for you. Please review! I'd love some constructive criticism if you would. Any suggestions for future chapters would help too. Thank you so much! I'll be back later to update.<p>

_~ RandomKiwi_


	3. Chapter 3: Falling Apart

JAMIE

At breakfast everyone was silent. Ian didn't show. Kyle kept laughing and smiling, but I knew something was up. he had this glazed over look in his eye, like he was trying to convince himself that something he did wasn't wrong. We all knew this look; he'd worn it on his face lots of time before.

Where was Wanda? I was looking forward to talking to her today. She always had something good to say. I quickly finished my roll and made my way to their chamber. My footsteps echoed through the empty hallway until I stopped in front of their room. I knocked on the door lightly, afraid that they might be still asleep. I imagined their bodies curled together against each other, just peacefully sleeping. I wished that's what I would see when I walked in.

_Just another ordinary day. They slept late. Nothing's wrong. God, I hope not._

"Wanda? Ian? You in there?" There was no answer. I opened the door, finding Ian lying on the floor, sobbing. Only there were no tears; just moaning and crying.

_Oh, god no... Please no..._ I sucked in a breath, lingering in the doorway for a second.

"Go away, Jamie."

I walked over and sat down beside him. No way in Hell was I leaving.

He swallowed a sob building up in his throat. "I said go away."

I stared down at him. He was a wreck. His black hair was matted and covered in bruise purple dust. His face was streaked with tears and dirt, blood crusted underneath his fingernails. Only I was pretty sure it wasn't his blood. He was bruised all over the place. He'd obviously been in a fight.

"No," I said as firmly as I could even though my voice cracked a bit. I didn't want to guess what happened. Ian barely ever cried, ever got this angry and upset.

He grimaced, sitting up. I could tell he'd lost somebody just by looking into his sapphire blue eyes. They were ridden with sadness and pain. _We'd_ lost somebody. Someone important. Somebody he'd loved… _Wanda. It had to be Wanda._

He held his head in his hands. "My... Wanderer... is...dead…" He broke down then, struggling to remember to breathe. Just watching him jabbed at my heart, let alone knowing that Wanda, the nicest person I'd ever known, was gone... by no fault of her own.

I hugged him, tears of my own dripping down my cheeks. She would be dearly missed. I wondered how everyone else would react to the news. "I'm so sorry, Ian…"

He wriggled out of my loose grip, turning his back to me. "Just go, Jamie… Just… leave." He wanted to be alone; to deal with this loss himself. He needed somebody, but he pushed me away. I could tell he needed to deal. I decided to let him.

I got up and put my hand on the doorknob, letting it linger there for a second. Taking one last glance back at him, I exited the room.

_Wanda was dead. And I knew who killed her._

Kyle's face surfaced in my mind and I shook my head angrily. He knew she was family. He _**knew**_ we all loved her. Hell, she had _**saved his life!**_ But he repaid her by taking hers right from under her, way too soon. She was probably just making her way to the washroom when he pounced. _**THAT BASTARD.**_

It was only two months after Wanda tried to leave us, claiming it was better for us all. We'd just gotten her back. Why Wanda? Why'd he have to kill Wanda? Why was he suddenly okay with the fact that he loved Sunny, but he couldn't accept that Ian loved Wanderer? It was all too clear to me.

_The only reason Kyle loved Sunny was because when he looked at her, all he saw was Jodi. He wasn't willing to accept that Sunny was just like Wanda because all he heard when she spoke was Jodi's voice. He didn't love Sunny. But the body is what made him unable to act. _

_He was despicable... Absolutely despicable._

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><p>Thanks so much for reading. I plan to have chapter 4 up soon. I'd really really REALLY appreciate it if I got some reviews. I'd like to point out a song that I think might be describing Ian's situation at the moment. It's called The Messenger by Linkin Park. I know I initally titled the story Set Fire To The Rain, but you'll find me making a lot of song references in my little notes every so often throughout the story. Thanks again.<p>

_~ RandomKiwi_


	4. Chapter 4: Anything But Denial

JEB

I called everyone to the game room after dinner to announce the death of our beloved Wanderer. While everyone was whispering I cleared my throat, all eyes now turned to me.

"You all might have heard the sad news I'm about to tell you earlier. But you deserve to know what really happened…" I scanned the crowd's faces.

_Melanie, Jared, Kyle, Jamie, Sunny, Lily… _I listed off everyone until I found someone missing.

_Ian. _The poor kid. He'd only just gotten Wanda back to have her ripped out of his arms once more. But this time it was permanent. There was no doubt that he'd still be locked up in his chamber now, burrowing deeper and deeper into his grief. I felt bad for him, I really did. It wasn't fair at all to have the love of his life killed in front of him like that.

I told everyone what I had found earlier that morning near what Wanderer used to call 'the hole'. It pained me to relive it over in my head, but I had to tell them. They deserved to know the truth. Kyle fumed silently in the back of the room, glaring every so often in my direction.

"Now, if anyone knows what monster could have killed our darling Wanda, please don't hesitate to drop by and tell." I patted my gun, resting in its case wrapped around my waste. "I'm not asking, I'm ordering. My house, my rules. Anyone who fails to follow them doesn't belong here." I scanned the people's faces, once more checking Kyle's with extra attention. I could see a shadow of a smirk on his bruised face; could tell he was trying to suppress it.

Ian entered the room, lingering near the door. He kept his head down. It was obvious that he was fighting against tears. _That a boy, Ian. _I wanted to say. _Stay strong._ He glowered cold bloodedly at his brother, then returned to staring at his feet.

"Hmm? Anyone feel like confessing? It might lighten up the consequences a tad." I very well knew who had committed this wrongdoing from the start. Everyone had gotten over their hatred for Wanda except for Kyle. His remained, growing stronger like a plant on SuperGrow, never slowing down. As far as I could see, he had every right NOT to hate her. After all, Wanda had saved his sorry ass multiple times, including when he tried to kill her in the washroom. She was really something, willing to sacrifice her own life like that for somebody who'd rather see her dead than alive… But if there were others involved, they shared equal guilt in the blame. I heard a chuckle from the back of the room; then a shift as somebody stood up.

"I did it," he said with such dark humor, grinning as if he'd won the million dollar lottery. "I murdered your 'beloved Wanderer', Jeb. And I'm proud of it. She should have feared me while she had the chance. But instead my brother, you stupid coward, you protected the shit out of her. You wouldn't _not_ jump out of the way even if a bullet were to pierce right through your brain. You'd die for a _parasite_, and that's just so god damn wrong." He glanced over at Ian, triumph and amusement in his eyes. It was clear he was enjoying tormenting him.

Ian's mouth twitched with anger. "SHE WAS NOT A PARASITE!"

_Come on, kid. Leave while you got the chance. Don't start a fight. You know what Wanda would say._

"Is that so, Ian? Then how do you explain this – That wasn't her body. None of those were her body. Hell, she doesn't even have a cent to her name. If you weren't so blinded by your softness you would see it too. _You're human. She's not._ When you die, she'd live on. There was no point in keeping her alive. She was ruining you."

"Wanda was the only thing I lived for…" His voice was gentle, soft, barely a whisper. "Without her, life means nothing." He quietly exited the room.

"Well. Now that we have our culprit, the rest of you are free to leave." I walked over to Kyle, marching him out of the room.

"You're staying somewhere away from everyone until tribunal. I don't want you trying to kill anyone else." I muttered, pushing him through the far tunnels, away from the other chambers.

"No funny business. If you try anything, a bullet through your head would be fine by me. No good's ever come from you, and now I'm afraid it never will." I threw him a pillow. "Rest up. In a few days your fate's to be decided."

He grunted in response.

I pushed him into the hole the Seeker was kept in, the one Wanda slept in when she first came, cooped up inside Melanie's body. What a nice girl. Never did anything to hurt anybody. Funny how life's so unfair.

"And one other thing. You're prohibited to leave the premises. No funeral for you."

I lay on my mat, gun in hand, staring into the darkness. _What a waste of a life._

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><p>This chapter was when events really got rolling, I think. Don't worry. I have more plans for later chapters to be better. Please excuse the language. It a heated moment, and you know how Kyle is. Please, please, please, PLEASE review? I'm begging. <em>Pleading.<em> More to come soon.

_~ RandomKiwi_


	5. Chapter 5: Concrete Angel

IAN

Today was the funeral. I exited the tunnels and out into the bright morning sun. It had rained heavily last night, and now the light shined through the mist over the horizon, creating a colorful streak across the still orange sky. A rainbow… Wanda never got to see a rainbow.

Tears pricked at my eyes as I gazed up at the glowing arch, remembering the day when she had asked so many questions that I ran out of answers. My favorite one of all was about rainbows.

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><p>"<em>Ian, what's a rainbow?" she asked, looking up at me.<em>

_I looked up as well. "A rainbow is when the light shines through water droplets that are still in the sky after it rains. The water acts like a prism, splitting up the white light into all 8 colors that make white, well, white."_

_She cocked her head to one side, trying to put together an image in her head. Her eyebrows furrowed into an expression of confusion, a slight frown pulling at the corners of her lips. "I don't really understand."_

_I took her hand in mine. "You know how complex human emotions are?"_

_She nodded, smiling. "Yes."_

"_Well, think of a rainbow as all of those emotions squished together into one line, only every category of feelings has its own stripe." I paused for a moment. "Every category of emotion has a color. Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, or purple."_

_She leaned against me, closing her eyes. "Ian?" she whispered._

"_Yes, Love?"_

"_Someday I want to see a rainbow. With you."_

_I kissed her forehead lightly, giving her hand a slight squeeze. "I'd wait an eternity to share that moment with you, Wanda."_

_Her lips met mine. We kissed tenderly, gently. As if the other would break if we used too much force._

I sighed, kicking some sand with the toe of my shoe. I had broken my promise…

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><p>They lowered her body into a hole in the ground, everyone grabbing a handful of dirt and saying their goodbyes. After each of us was done, we'd through our handful into the hole, filling up the depth we had dug into the sand. When it was my turn, I knelt next to her grave, choking on tears.<p>

"Wanda was a gift to us all. She helped us through the hardest times imaginable. She was absolutely selfless and caring. You'd be stupid to not love Wanda, though how anyone couldn't is beyond my comprehension. Her heart was full of innocence and curiosity, along with love and gentle passion. She will be greatly missed. We love you, Wanda. Rest in peace, my love."

I lingered a moment longer, tears streaming down my face. No amount of words would ever be enough. I had so much more to say, but I knew half of it she would never be around to hear.

_I love you, my Wanderer. You are a beautiful soul, so beautiful that words cannot describe. It didn't take me long to realize what a wonderful person you truly were. You were so self-sacrificing… Too self-sacrificing. Enough so that you almost gave up your life to save everyone else. But from what? You? You were what kept us together, whole, and in one piece. A single string holding a poorly sewn fabric together. If it weren't for you, we all would've lost the will to live. I love you, and I never plan to stop, no matter what divides us. Whether it be light years, miles, or soil, you will forever and always hold a place in my heart. I will never forget you, my concrete angel. And never will I love anyone but you._

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><p>This part personally touches me. I used the information from Walter's funeral (I think that was his name) to kind of fill in the cracks for Wanda's. I completely made up the flashback, but to me it has more meaning than just a question about a rainbow. Life is a rainbow. You never know how bittersweet it may be.<br>As I was writing this chapter, I was constantly reminded of the song Concrete Angel by Martina McBride. It just made this part of the story make me cry that much more. But isn't it true? Wanda was Ian's concrete angel...

Feedback would be great. I'd really love to know what I'm doing good with and what I should improve on. Thanks!

~ _RandomKiwi_


	6. Chapter 6: Impassive

KYLE

This was complete bullshit. I did everyone a favor by killing it. Couldn't they see the silver rings in its eyes? Were they completely blind! Or did they forget what her kind had done to our species? We were literally dying off by the second because of those worms. Better safe than sorry right? Well, apparently not.

I was stuck in this damned hole forever. Nobody ever came down to say hello; not freaking once. It pissed me off being hated for taking one for the team.

Ian had to understand that she was brainwashing him. He couldn't possibly have fallen for the worm in the back of the body's head. He probably just liked the body… Yeah, that's it. He liked the body, just like any other foolish hormonal dude would. Now way in hell he actually had feelings for that monster… Though it wouldn't make a difference if he did. What's done is done, and all we can do is wait out the storm until it all passes over and we can be one big happy jolly family again. Besides, it's not like Ian didn't hate her before either. In fact, I stand corrected. He absolutely _despised_ her like we all did. Except Jeb, but he's a giant softy.

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><p><em>She'd been brought in blindfolded, and thrown in to the hole. I was there, Jared was there, and I'm pretty sure Ian was too, if I'm not mistaken. It was one of those nights where you can't remember much after it happened. Like you were on some kind of drug beforehand, so all you see just goes in and out. No memories preserved.<em>

_All I remember is this – Ian wanting to hit her, real bad even. And then there was this whole fight. After that, Ian started to warm up to her. Get to know her, too. The idea was stupid. He was just tricking himself into thinking she was worth the effort._

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><p>If they let me kill her back then, nobody would've cared. But now everyone hates me for doing something right for once. So what? She saved my life, sure. But she could've killed me. I knew she wanted to. It was actually really easy… Just let go of me and let me fall into the abyss.<p>

They believed she was genuinely nice. Ha, I truly pitied them. What a pathetic bunch. Especially Ian. Who would've thought he'd fall in love with a parasite? What a messed up world we live in.

_I hope Jeb builds up the nerve to shoot me. That way I don't have to live in this god damn hell hole anymore. This world isn't worth living in... Not this way._

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><p>Please excuse the length. I imagined that Kyle really wouldn't have much to say around this time. He'd always seem to get hot headed, say a lot, and then just cool it for a while, as if he couldn't care less. Excuse the language too. But this is Kyle we're talking about. Any profanity is game with him. Haha, just kidding. Wow, four or five chapters done in a day. Good thing it's Sunday. You might have to wait a while for the next one. School and such. Please review. You'd make my day that much more brighter. Thanks!<p>

_~ RandomKiwi_


	7. Chapter 7: Fade Away

IAN

_I lean in to kiss her. She lets me, returning the kiss. She shakes her head, pulling away from me gently._

"_No… Please, stop… I… I can't think."_

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><p>I poke at my eggs, making no attempt to eat them, though my stomach was just about going to cave in on itself. I hadn't eaten in weeks, as though maybe Wanda would return if I starved myself. Tears pricked my eyes as I stared at the ground, a bruise purple kind of color.<p>

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><p><em>"Eight full lives. Eight full lives and I've never found anyone I would stay in a planet for, anyone I would follow when they left. I never found a partner. Why now? Why you? You're not of my species. How can you be my partner? It's not fair. I love you<em>_."_

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><p>Wet drops of water pour down my face. I didn't notice until everyone was staring.<p>

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><p>"<em>I, the soul called Wanderer, love you, human Ian. And that will never change, no matter what I might become."<em>

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><p>I hid my face in my hands, my elbows on the table. "It's not the face, but the expressions on it…" I whispered to myself, my voice cracking between sobs. "…It's not the voice… but what you say… It's not how you look in that body but what you do with it," I shut my eyes tightly, willing the memory of that moment to flood over me, washing me away from reality.<p>

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><p><em>"You don't really feel that way about me you know. It's this body... she's pretty isn't she?"<em>_ She looked at me, her eyes piercing through mine._

_"She is. Melanie is a very pretty girl. Even beautiful. But pretty as she is, she is a stranger to me. She's not the one I... care about."__ I glanced at her longingly, hoping she understood what I was trying to say._

_"It's this body."_No, it isn't_, I thought. _It never was.

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><p>I got up, slowly making my way back to our – my – chamber. Jeb passed by, patting my back as he did so. "It'll be okay, kid. You'll see."<p>

I shook my head. "Highly unlikely, Jeb. But thanks for trying." I shut myself in my room as I'd done ever since that wretched day. Laying on that bed, hugging her pillow, I buried my face into the bedding, her scent slowly fading from the sheets; replaced with mine. I was glad Kyle had been killed. Take a life, give a life. Except it couldn't be that way. He couldn't have thought by killing her, the world wouldn't end for our kind.

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><p>"<em>I held you in my hands, Wanderer. And you were so beautiful." She stared back at me, and I couldn't help but feel that warm, numbing sensation.<em>

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><p>I snapped back to real time. That feeling had faded, replaced with a heavy emptiness and sadness, a void in my heart that could never be filled. For losing your second half can do nothing but break you until you crumble to the ground, nothing but dust and rubble.<p>

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><p>Apologies for the length and excessive use of horizontal rulers. This chapter was a series of flashbacks, not so much current events. I put this together quickly for you, so sorry about the quality. It's a little late, but it's here. More to come. Please review.<p>

_~ RandomKiwi_


	8. Chapter 8: Get Used To It

MELANIE

Things without Wanda were… difficult, to say the least. After all, this was the girl who saved my life and willingly wished to die for me to continue living in my own body. Probably the nicest person, uhm, alien I've ever met.

I felt bad for everyone, but mostly Ian. God, he loved her and his own freaking brother goes and kills her before he could do anything about it.

Jared's been kind of worried about me lately. I guess he thinks I had this humongous connection with her and that I might try to kill myself to be with her. He should be less concerned about me and more about Ian. He hadn't eaten in days, _weeks_, even. And what about Jamie?

It's one thing when you can stop somebody from losing their life, but it's another when you can't do a single thing, _anything,_ to prevent it. We should've gotten the message about Kyle. He seemed to change then, but a person couldn't possibly change that fast.

Wanda was more than just a friend. She was… family. Losing her, it's almost like losing a sister. And that's pretty much all there is to it. I can't say much about it… The whole 'she's gone' thing is still sinking in. I don't know how long it'll take me to get used to it.

_If I ever get used to it at all._

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><p>Please excuse the length, guys. It's just a little insight to what Melanie thinks, or doesn't think. Thanks to those of you who have reviewed! It means a lot! More to come soon. And for those of you who haven't reviewed, please do it! It takes about 30-40 seconds of your life. That's half a minute, folks. About the amount of time it took you to possibly read this anyway...? If you have any suggestions about later chapters or just questions, feel free to PM me or review with it. I'll always answer.<p>

_~ RandomKiwi_


	9. Chapter 9: Then It Hits You

**AN: I know this is usually at the end. But I'll make it quick:**

**So sorry for the wait, guys! Inspiration has been very great, but it was a matter of time that really prevented me from getting this up sooner. I feel bad, seeing as you were all so hungry for more to happen. Don't worry. More updates to come. And one last very important thing!**

**THANK YOU TO Helpless Romantic01, TheNoblePersian, and sapphirenight12 for reviewing! It means the world to me!**

**~ RandomKiwi**

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><p>JAMIE<p>

It had been a long time since Wanda died. Two or three months, give or take. I'd been okay… Kind of preoccupied with stuff. Mel calls 'stuff' a 'placeholder'. I wish I could find something to fill that space.

Ian hadn't been talking to anyone. He'd been shut up in his chamber for so long that Sharon practically deemed him a ghost. It's quite sad, really. To think that this once animated, outgoing guy is suddenly well, a ghost of the man he used to be. We all loved Wanda… But we'd moved on… somewhat.

I'd been keeping a journal about everything, scrawling on anything I could find from cardboard to rocks. Nothing sensible had been written, just single words and phrases.

_Ghost._

_Get over it._

_MOVE ON. LIFE WON'T WAIT FOR YOU TO CATCH UP._

_Repaid with pain._

_Life sucks._

My notes varied, pretty much in this pattern. They were more like notes to myself than anything else, written when I had a spare second or two. But the one that gets me every time is this –

_He loved her with all his heart, as did she._

_He held her so tightly to him, so tight his knuckles turned white._

_He withheld her from harm, only to have her yanked away when least expected._

_He'll never know what she told me._

_He'll never know what she said before she died._

'_I love you, Ian,' she whispered as she crept down the hall_

_To where she'd take her last dying breath._

Poetry was sort of my way out of misery. My own light, leading the way through the blackness.

Ian had nothing. No, Ian had no one. He didn't want help. He strongly resisted my efforts to save him. All he wanted was to sit alone in that room he used to share with Wanda and watch himself rot away. Then I realized something that made my face blood run cold and my face lose all its color. I started feeling nauseous and dizzy.

_He wants to die..._

_..._

_..._

_..._

**_IAN WANTS TO DIE._**

_I won't let him die..._

I whimpered.

_...He can't die... But he thinks he must._


	10. Chapter 10: Vengeance Is The Answer

**AN: I'm putting these at the top now. I think this chapter really starts to give the title a true meaning. Thank you to all that have reviewed! I've gotten over 740 page views! Whoa! Thank you so much guys! I never thought this story would come this far! :)**

**~ RandomKiwi**

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><p>IAN<p>

It had been exactly 3 months and 3 days since Wanda left me. All I could think about was her. That sweet smile, the way her eyes lit up every time she saw me. I had eaten very little, shoving down the smallest amount of stale bread down my red, flaming throat. Just knowing I could have saved her was eating me alive. If I had left our room a second earlier I could have stopped Kyle… I could have saved my Wanderer…

…

_But I didn't._

It was all my fault. If I had let her go… To go be a Bear or a Flower none of this would have happened. She wouldn't have loved me. She wouldn't have been killed. It all made sense. It was all traced back to me.

Wanda used to say that there's no afterlife for her kind. She'd say that humans could go to Heaven or Hell, but she'd cease to exist. I didn't believe her. Surely she'd end up somewhere… Where I could meet her again... If I left my physical state of being. But why put everyone through the torture and struggle of losing one more person?

Because I've become obsolete to them, to myself, to this world. Without Wanda, without the soul I loved, I had nothing to live for. Nobody to look forward to seeing after a long day's work… Nothing to keep the Seekers from taking from me.

Then the thought hit me…_ REVENGE... The act of obtaining even ground after someone has ripped apart your life._ Who had ripped my life to shreds? Kyle… But he was gone, probably halfway across the world by now. There was only one other option… For closure. In order to me to feel somewhat at peace.

I had to attack where the Seekers were. I had to get retribution… And closure.

_But conducting an attack on them would be a suicide mission..._ I thought. I stared at her side of the bed, still untouched since that horrible night. ..._And that is just what I need._


	11. Chapter 11: Farewells

**AN: Thank you so much for reviewing everyone! This chapter goes out to Helpless Romantic01. You've been so encouraging and thoughtful in your reviews, not to mention your interesting and intriguing takes on what's happening within the story. I think it's only fair that I dedicate this chapter to you. :)**

**~ RandomKiwi**

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><p>IAN<p>

There was no time to wait. As I let the seconds trickle by I was losing my opportunity. I was sure Jamie was catching on. Nobody needed to know about this. Nobody needed to know why I hadn't come back or why I had gotten killed. I packed a bag with basic supplies, purposely excluding food and water. This was a suicide mission after all… Anything to shorten my stay on Earth, the better. All I needed was a gun. If I could put a bullet through one of their wretched heads that would be enough. Just one drop of blood, one scream of agony… It would never come close to making up for my loss. But nothing would. At least I could get a bit of revenge.

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><p>I left at around 1AM, climbing out of the tunnels I had called home for the past few years. "Goodbye," I whispered. "I'll miss you, too." I took in the desert landscape as I took the hardest few steps of my life... The first few paces towards my termination.<p>

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><p>I had made it to their hospital, the closest place that was relatively easy to strike. I slowly turned the gun in my hands, watching the black body gleam in the moonlight. It's cold metal was icy against my hands… Just like my heart, not a drop of happiness in it.<p>

_Wanda had raided this place with Jared once to get supplies for the surgery that she intended to use to get off of this planet. He let her cut herself to do so. She was too sacrificing. So much so that she said she'd die for me. Which did happen... But not for the reason she intended it to._

Remembering her sent a pang through my heart, a single tear sliding down my dirt caked face, leaving a trail of clean behind. I was going to follow through with this. I knew I'd be with Wanda if I did. And to be with her again was worth everything to me.

_Ian… Don't do it._

I had to. It was the only way.

_Ian. You have so much to live for and so much life ahead of you._

"No. I lost Wanda and ever since them my whole life has been shattered to pieces," I snarled fighting back the tears begging to pour out. "I have nothing to live for, don't you get it! That's why… That's why I have to die."

_No. I'm here. You just haven't found me yet._

I was going delusional. Wanda wasn't here. I needed to get this done, preferably _before_ I changed my mind.

_They say the eyes are the windows to the soul... I longed to look into my Wanderer's eyes once more._

I started closing in on the building, loading the gun, Jeb's gun, with the few bullets I had managed to steal from him as well.

I took in a breath.

"Goodbye world. I'll miss you most of all."


	12. Chapter 12: Let It Go

**Hey, guys. I'll make this quick because you're probably wanting to get right to reading. Thank you for reviewing and taking time to read my story! Don't worry, this is far from the end. I've got many more tricks up my sleeve. ;) Just a quick note: This chapter was inspired by the song The Scientist by Coldplay. The song really spoke to me, especially the musical aspects and tone. I think it gave some added meaning to the chapter. It was also one of the hardest ones to write besides Concrete Angel and Farewells. There IS a reason I split this chapter into two views instead of one, and you'll discover that later. Please review! I'd love your feedback! **

**~ RandomKiwi**

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><p>JEB (2 Hours Earlier)<p>

As soon as I woke up in the middle of the night I knew something was missing, something important. Something had been stolen, though I couldn't quite place my finger on it. Must've been a good reason, stealing from me, 'cause I don't take these things too lightly. They must've known the punishment. After all, my house my rules. Stealing was a no tolerance deal. You take something that isn't yours, you're screwed. Shaking my head, I stretched, only noticing now the specific absentee.

_My gun… My gun, damn it. Where'd I leave that wretched thing?_ I ripped through the limited contents of my chamber, but no luck. It was missing… Most likely with…

_Ian._ I took in a breath before sitting back down on the mattress. "Good luck kid. I hope you find what you're lookin' for," I whispered. "You do what's right, now. I'll be praying for you every step a' the way, O'Shea, every step."

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><p>IAN (Hours Later)<p>

The world swirled around me. There were voices, screams… A loud bang… then another warm sticky substance oozing down my neck, my shoulders, my arm. They were running around, attacking me with anything they could find. I'd put up a solid fight, but just one human against their kind stood no chance. I stood no chance.

I was going to die. I was going to be with my Wanderer after months of separation.

_I was going to see her once more._

A smile crawled across my lips as I took each breath slowly; waiting anxiously for the time I would be carried away.

_Revenge. I'd gotten just that… But not enough; not enough to make up for it all._

My eyelids felt heavy, air becoming thick and dense as I struggled to let it in. I could just barely see her face, barely make out the silvery glimmer of her eyes, beckoning me to her. As if she would guide me to where we could finally be united; finally be one.

_Let go… Just loosen your grip and let yourself fall… _

What would they think? Jamie, Jeb, Wes, Lilly… Well, everyone. They weren't supposed to find out… But what if they did? What if I'd hurt them, torn them apart beyond repair? But surely they'd get over it; I wasn't of much importance or significance to them anyway. Just another blade of grass in the meadow. Thousands of identical ones just like me, all posing no purpose but to fill the gaps where others stood once before.

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><p><em>You don't know what you have until it's gone.<em>

_You can't fully appreciate life until it's done._

_Love builds us up and breaks us down,_

_When in all honesty_

_It is the death_

_Of us all._

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><p><em>Let go, Ian...<em>

But I couldn't just leave them… I couldn't just abandon them to fend for themselves.

_It's time…_

What if I wasn't ready?

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><p><em>Time heals all wounds, no matter how deep<em>

_Though it does not erase all traces._

_A scar will be left behind_

_As a reminder to never forget._

But time didn't heal my wounds. It only deepened the gashes.

* * *

><p><em>Death won't wait for you to catch up.<em>

What if Wanda was telling the truth? What if there was really no afterlife for her kind?

_You've made it this far. You can't undo what you've already done…_

I couldn't reverse my actions or stop them from happening. I knew that… If only I could have thought this through. I knew Wanda would hate me for this. She was probably watching, angry as hell with me for what I'd done. But what she didn't understand was that I couldn't have possibly done anything else. All I could do was let go.

_Which was exactly what I did._


	13. Chapter 13: The Host

**AN: Sorry for the wait. I had to plan out my next move very carefully for the next couple chapters. What's this? You thought it was over? No. It's far from over. Thank you so much to all who have reviewed! You know that you're the people who keep me going!**

**This chapter is one of the many that break my heart. Come to think of it, I guess they all break my heart. But this just about does it. I hope you won't hate me after this, although after Chapter 12 I'm pretty sure you've already developed a very heated hatred towards me, the mere writer who had brought you the sorrow that I agree, you didn't deserve. I'm just so happy this story has moved you guys so much. It makes me feel inspired to keep dishing out twists and turns. Don't worry. I'll always keep you guessing. ;) Somehow, some way, mark my words, I will. Thanks! This chapter had a variety of snipits from different songs as inspiration. I might spill my little playlist later on. Apologies for the names in advance, I was stumped with these for a while. If you have any suggestions, please let me know by reviewing! Make a lonely author smile! _PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE REVIEW!_**

**~ RandomKiwi**

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><p>JAMIE<p>

Doc called a meeting in the game room at the crack of dawn; he said it was urgent. I threw on some jeans and raced down the tunnels as I slipped a red t-shirt over my head. When I arrived, everyone was murmuring to one another, a nervous buzz echoing off the cold stone walls.

"Listen up!" Jeb called. "Which one of you hooligans stole my gun?" I sure as Hell didn't.

"C'mon, 'fess up…. None of you…? Figures…" He paused, stroking his chin. A look of sadness and loss glazed over him. "Then it's the truth…" he whispered to himself, sighing.

I looked up, waiting for more; waiting for him to explain what had happened. Nothing more came. He sent everyone away except for Melanie and me. We stood there for a few minutes while everyone filed out, looks of confusion and annoyance being exchanged as they exited.

"Jeb? What really happened?" I asked, biting my lip. I felt like I was shrinking by the second, slowly becoming so small that I could be squashed by just one wrong move. No, that wasn't it… I felt like a little boy. The nervous little kid I used to be. Tears pricked my eyes, threatening to come out. It took all my will to keep them from spilling over.

Jeb sighed and took in a huge breath. "It's what I feared, kid… What I feared." He shook his head, grief emphasizing the lines and wrinkles set on his face from years of running this place.

I stared at him until he looked up, meeting my gaze. And from the look in his eye, the single tear running down his cheek, I just knew… I just knew we'd lost him

_I just knew we'd lost Ian._

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><p>MILES GLOWING SUN<p>

I awoke in a bed at the hospital. This body was fighting back, hard. I could already feel how difficult it would be to rid it of the human who still remained psychologically intact.

"Uhn…" the pain was starting… emotionally and physically. Human emotions were so complex. They just end up to be hurdles in the way of life in my opinion. All they do is cause internal turmoil and suffering. I certainly wasn't looking forward to that.

"Oh, good... You've awoken," a short woman said, grinning. "Welcome to Earth, Miles Glowing Sun. I'm your seeker, Flowers Living Stars."

I blinked in response. It was almost too quiet and tranquil within this body.

The memories hit me like a nuclear bomb. The hurt, betrayal, loss, angst, love… Love. An emotion I had never felt before. An image of her face appeared in my new mind. She was beautiful… Fragile yet courageously strong. I could feel this body's heart beating faster just hearing the remnants of her voice, the glint of her silver rimmed eyes, embedded into his memory.

"_Ian," _she said. _"Ian, I love you."_

So that's what this human's name was… _Ian, Ian O'Shea._ It had a certain ring to it. I planned to keep the name of my host. But I did have plenty of time to decide. Maybe he could lead me to the girl. After all, their bond was very strong.

_What's her name? Her significance? _I thought. The body started blocking me out, holding me just a few images away from something obviously very important.

_It must know where the humans are… _ It, Ian, recoiled, literally spitting me out like a rotten piece of food. I was locked out of his mind. Something told me it would take a lot of effort to break back in.

I closed my eyes and let myself relax, the corners of my mouth curling into a smirk.

_I have all of the time in the world, Ian O'Shea. Don't think I won't crack you._


	14. Chapter 14: The Letter

**AN: Thanks so much for reviewing! It means the world to me! As I look back I realize just how far this story has come. I hope I won't disappoint anyone now or in the future. Please review! They're what motivate me to keep writing!**

**~ RandomKiwi**

****MATERIAL IS NOT MEANT TO BE OFFENSIVE TO OTHERS IN ANY WAY****

**DISCLAIMEER: I DO NOT OWN THE HOST OR ANY CHARACTERS FROM THE BOOK BY STEPHANIE MEYER.**

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><p>JAMIE<p>

Jeb told me to go through Ian's stuff and keep the things that were important and move the other stuff to storage. I got right to it, rummaging through drawers and the pile of books by the door.

In an hour to two I had all of his belongings organized into piles by category and 'save' or 'go'. It was only then that I moved on to the books, leafing through the pages where every so often I'd fall upon Ian's words scrawled on the page itself, marking things he found important or enlightening. I'd gotten through all of them except one, Romeo and Juliet. What he'd done… it resembled the story too much. So much that I curled up right where I was a cried myself asleep, my face pressed against the cold floor until the next morning.

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><p>I awoke on my back, sprawled out on the floor. I didn't notice that I'd ever developed this habit until now… Until Ian was gone; dead. I reminded myself too much of him<p>

_You can run away from everyone around you,_

_You can hide forever._

_But you'll always be stuck_

_With yourself._

I felt the tears threaten to start again. I swallowed, more like gulped, and proceeded to pick up Ian's copy of Romeo and Juliet. This one was full of his writing. He wrote anything from corrections and suggestions to ways different phrases applied to life; his life. I handled each page as if it would break with the lightest touch. As I transferred it into the keep pile, something fell out of the pages… A piece of folded paper.

_It must have been tucked away carefully,_ I thought as I unfolded it. The handwriting was flowing, neat, and beautiful, absolutely nothing like Ian's.

_Wanda._

I let the tears flow as I read the letter which Ian had clearly never found.

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><p><em>Dear Ian,<em>

_I have to say goodbye. I'd prefer face to face, but it's too late for that. And I can't bear the thought of having to tell you I'm leaving. After all I've put you through and all you've done for me, I know you don't deserve this. I never deserved you… Ever. _

_You were my hero, and you will forever be just that. My hero. But I can't stay any longer, you have to understand. Just by being here I'm putting all of your lives at risk. The Seekers are coming, I know that for a fact. If I die, they won't have any reason to go there anymore. They're looking for me, Ian. I don't want you to give up your life, your freedom, to save me. I'm one of them, and that will never change. They'll never rest until they know they have me… Or if I'm dead. I know that if I turn myself in you'll follow me and try to save me. _

_You have to understand that this is my only option. I love you so much, I always will. You showed me the true meaning of life; the reasons to live. Maybe we'll meet someday. Tonight I'm sneaking out. I'm never going to return. It's for your own good._

_I need you to forget me, Ian. Find a nice human girl and fall in love again… I'll always view you as my partner, but you deserve to live your life and live it well. Live as if I never existed. You'll thank me for leaving someday. I know you will. I, Wanderer, love you, Ian O'Shea. I'll never stop. If I had a choice, I would stay. You'll tell me I do, but I don't, Ian. I really don't. My time with you has been the best experience I'll ever have. You are such a great man, Ian. I feel horrible doing this to you; the guilt is killing me. But I know in the end I'm doing something to ensure your safety.I should have left before so this wouldn't have been so painful for you; for us. Promise me you'll get through it, Ian. Promise me right now that you will never let go no matter what happens. Because I won't let go, I'll never let go. I love you with all of my heart and soul. That will never change. _

_Don't shed any tears for me. Don't grieve or mourn for me. Don't waste your time sulking over me. You have to push forward; look past everything that's happened between us. I know I'm leaving you again. I know how much pain this will cause you. You are the strongest, sweetest, kindest, smartest, most loveable man I know, Ian O'Shea. Don't you ever give up on yourself. Because if you give up on yourself, you're giving up on me._

_Goodbye. I'll miss you more than you'll ever know._

_~ Wanda_

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><p>I sobbed harder than I ever had. Harder than when I'd learned that Melanie was taken and turned into one of them. It wasn't fair... Life wasn't fair. Everything was so perfect for everyone and then God felt like he had the right to rip our world out from under our feet!<p>

_Screw you, God. Fucking screw you._


	15. Chapter 15: Love Is An Understatement

**AN: Hey, guys. Sorry for the wait. I've been busy with school lately, but I never forget! I threw this chapter together a bit quickly, so please excuse the quality. I tried my best within about an hour, but I really wanted to continue so I wouldn't keep you waiting too long. So, hopefully you enjoy it! Thanks for reviewing! You know reviews are what keep me going! :)  
>Just a reminder that I DO NOT OWN THE HOST OR ANY CHARACTERS ASSOCIATED WITH IT. THEY ARE SOLE PROPERTY OF STEPHANIE MEYER. (But any characters I create are obviously not under this category. :P) <strong>

**~ RandomKiwi**

* * *

><p>JAMIE<p>

That letter… That just about killed me on the inside. Ian loved her with all his heart. I was furious with Wanda, absolutely FURIOUS. I knew she didn't plan to be killed before leaving… But if she'd never tried to go Ian would still be here and my life wouldn't be so broken. I wouldn't be so… _broken._

I poked and prodded my pancakes. Usually I'd scarf them down and head back to the kitchen to grab seconds, thirds, maybe even fourths if I was up to it. Now food seemed like poison; such a burden to chew and swallow. Just breathing was hard enough. Knowing I could have stopped Ian was the hardest.

If I had spent more time with him, tried to really help him… But I did. I did just that. I begged and pleaded with him to the point where I was collapsing to the floor and sobbing after I'd leave his room, pushed away once more. Every time I tried to save him and he denied the chance at getting on with life.

He missed Wanda. I get it. I did too… But that didn't mean I would go on a suicide expedition to get revenge on people who frankly, well, weren't even people.

He left me here. Alone. And I had to deal with this… _Alone._

I couldn't help but feel the tension of rage pull at me as I swallowed hard.

"Hey, you okay?" I felt hands on my shoulders; rought, calloused hands, but loving all the same.

I looked up, seeing Melanie's concerned face. "I'm… Yeah. Don't worry about me." I looked down, biting my lip. I knew she wouldn't let it rest. I was her little brother. She'd keep preying until she got a definite answer out of me. But what if I truly didn't have one? What if I actually _didn't_ know if I was okay?

I broke away from her touch, making my way back to Ian and Wanda's room, my gaze on the floor as my footsteps echoed down the tunnel.

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><p>Back in their old chamber, I searched through every last nook anything could possibly be hidden in. I knew there was more to it than what I'd found the day before... I felt it in my gut. There couldn't just be one letter… There had to be something else, something more significant…<p>

The note felt as if it bore a hole in my left breast pocket of my shirt. That was Wanda's final goodbye. I wondered if Ian ever had one before he... I couldn't bring myself to think of it.

There had to be an item, an object. Anything but paper. Something that would never perish. Like a carving, or a stone, or…

I shook out all of Ian's old clothes. I flipped the last pair of jeans, newly brought back from a raid, and shook them rigorously. Something slid out of the back pocket, falling to the ground. A soft metal clang echoed through the room. I bent down and picked up the small cold object, cupping it in my hands.

_A ring. I found a ring._

The diamond glistened in the dim light as I twirled it in my hand. I examined it closely... He'd gotten it engraved, too.

_I Truly Love You. _

The words were carved so carefully, each letter absolutely perfect and beautiful. If only Wanda had known..._ If only, if only, if only..._

Now I understood completely... I understood everything Ian had gone through; everything Ian had done. This was why he was so devastated. This was why he'd done what he did. It all came down to this.

He didn't just love Wanda.

_He was going to marry her._


End file.
